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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,566

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Elsa froze her entire kingdom instead of dealing with her feelings. I respect that level of avoidance.

Just shared via Twitch:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Breaking via Messenger:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Just landed via Slack:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Just landed via Messenger:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Spotted on Messenger:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Seen just now on X:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Breaking via Twitch:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Just shared via Discord:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew the Discovery Channel would go from Shark Week to Glazed Goodness Week? 🍩😂

beautiful, channel, creature, creatures, deserve, donut, donuts, food, food humor, humor, nature, nature channel, own, playful, sweets, week, whimsical

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

0

3 months ago

balance, employed, employment, health, humor, mental, mental health, personality, unhinged, work life, work-life balance
I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

0

5 months ago

communication, cooperation, flirt, humor, i, please, relationship
Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

0

2 months ago

bedroom, child, cleaner, cleanliness, door, hack, house, humor, parent, parenting, shut
Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

0

2 months ago

chop, chopping, cooking, crispy, delicious, food, foreplay, great, humor, i, joke, oven, peel, peeling, pieces, roast, roasting, where
As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

0

2 months ago

allowed, direct, empowerment, fantasy, girl, humor, i, moon, should, speak
I can’t work under these festive conditions.

0

2 months ago

conditions, distractions, festive, humor, i, productivity, under, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Discord this month:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

87 shares on X this month:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

52 shares on X this month:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

27 shares on X this month:

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Spotted on YouTube:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Shared recently on Discord:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Seen just now on Discord:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨