Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

Shared recently on Slack:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Making waves on YouTube:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Just shared via Pinterest:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Trending via TikTok:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

Live now on Pinterest:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Hope your WiFi connection doesn't go down with the ship! 🚢🎶⚓️ #SyncingTheHits"

activity, downloading, fun, fun activity, humor, irony, music, right, soundtrack, syncing, technology, Titanic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

0

2 months ago

cleverness, common, common sense, fruit, fruit salad, humor, knowledge, salad, sense, tomato, wisdom
The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

0

2 months ago

bird, bit, cry, early, early bird, frustration, humor, life, little, longer, lot, morning, office, office life, parking, parking lot, stress, work
I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

0

2 months ago

brain, exhaustion, humor, i, insomnia, self-talk, sleep, stop, talking, thoughts, want
I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

0

2 months ago

call, cook, cooking, detector, every, gordon, Gordon Ramsay, humor, i, joke, kitchen, me, ramsay, screams, smoke, smoke detector, time
Manifesting you in my bed.

0

5 months ago

attraction, bed, flirting, humor, manifesting, relationship
The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

0

2 months ago

advice, career, career advice, choices, closer, decision, every, having, humor, i, job, life, life choices, LinkedIn, motivation, moves, only, professional, professional life, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

90 shares on Telegram this month:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

93 shares on X this month:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

58 shares on X this month:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Seen just now on Slack:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Trending via Pinterest:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Going bananas on WeChat:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

Live now on Slack:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Shared recently on X:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Seen just now on Discord:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Trending via Telegram:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Manifesting you in my bed.

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨