Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Shared recently on Threads:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Making waves on WeChat:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Shared recently on Instagram:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Running away from responsibilities: the only cardio routine that requires zero commitment! 🏃‍♂️💨🙃

day, escape, every, exercise, fitness, humor, leg, leg day, motivation, problem, problems, running

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I keep my mind active by worrying.

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2 months ago

activity, health, humor, i, keep, mental, mental health, mind, self-care, worry, worrying
Wake up, the thinking isn’t going to overthink itself.

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3 months ago

going, humor, motivation, overthink, procrastination, thinking, wake, wake up
All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

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2 months ago

40, daily, daily life, galaxy, hour, humor, irony, life, planet, planets, satire, universe, week, weeks, work, work week
Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

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2 months ago

activity, ask, ball, bowling, bowling ball, fun, fun activity, gift, gift idea, girlfriend, give, humor, idea, personalized, personalized gift, relationship, ring, ring size, size, surprise
Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

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2 months ago

buy, every, experience, hope, humor, i, irony, optimism, over, shopping, time, triumph, vegetable
As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

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2 months ago

arguing, cake, distraction, everyone, humor, leave, leaving, me, party, politics, saw

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

33 shares on X this month:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

55 shares on Discord this month:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Just landed via Telegram:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Breaking via TikTok:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Just landed via Messenger:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

Seen just now on Instagram:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Spotted on TikTok:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

Seen just now on X:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Wake up, the thinking isn’t going to overthink itself.

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨