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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,375

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Just shared via X:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Just shared via Twitch:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

Going viral on Instagram:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

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Commentary:
"When the doorbell rings, even ninjas turn into deer caught in headlights! 🦌🔔😂"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

55 shares on YouTube this month:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

33 shares on Slack this month:

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Self-care is smoking a solo blunt with music.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Going viral on TikTok:

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

Just landed via Facebook:

Old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches, I will admit.

Live now on Instagram:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Making waves on Snapchat:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Just landed via Discord:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Making waves on X:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

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