Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

355 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,624

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,624

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,324

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Just landed via TikTok:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Just landed via Messenger:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Spotted on YouTube:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Seen just now on Threads:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

5 hours ago

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Commentary:
Looks like the universe is freelancing as my project manager! 🤔😂🌌

confusion, control, humor, i, just, know, responsibility, uncertainty, under

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

2 months ago

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The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

2 months ago

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My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

2 months ago

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If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

2 months ago

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An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

4 months ago

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Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

2 months ago

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New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

47 shares on Telegram this month:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

25 shares on Discord this month:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

10 shares on YouTube this month:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Just shared via Reddit:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Going viral on Discord:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Shared recently on Discord:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Seen just now on X:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Just shared via WeChat:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨