Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Going bananas on Facebook:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

Making waves on Slack:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Trending via Reddit:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Just landed via Slack:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Spotted on TikTok:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Making waves on Twitch:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When all the words start dancing, that's when I understand best! 🥴🍹🕺

5, alcohol, drinking, drinks, explain, explanation, humor, intoxication, me

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

0

2 months ago

activity, alone, dancing, enjoyment, fun, home, kind, own, self-care, therapy
You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

0

2 months ago

alcoholic, humor, i, know, never, nose, nostalgia, observation, old, weird
Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

0

2 months ago

consistency, ending, humor, key, relationship, self-reflection, single, year
Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

0

2 months ago

accomplish, apps, communication, contact, dating, frustration, hours, humor, i, ID, nothing, relationship, someone, support, talk, tech, thanks, wanted
The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

0

4 months ago

around, beautiful, beautiful place, hard, humor, irony, perspective, place, think, thinking, too, world
Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

0

3 months ago

AI, automation, confidence, humor, incorrect, irony, job, lost, technology, unemployment

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Slack this month:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

65 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

92 shares on Slack this month:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Seen just now on Slack:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Just shared via Telegram:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Going viral on Discord:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Just shared via Snapchat:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Trending via TikTok:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨