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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,507

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

My parents think they know me.

Shared recently on Messenger:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Shared recently on WeChat:

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Having a job ruined my life.

Going viral on Messenger:

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

Just landed via Messenger:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Trending via Snapchat:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
The future of makeup: just spritz, shimmer, and sniff your way to fabulous! 💨✨💋

ago, change, cosmetic, future, gas, humor, i, liquid, makeup, pigmented, pigmented gas, powder, prediction, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

0

3 weeks ago

child, children, ed, family, humor, husband, multitasking, opinion, parenting, phone, pregnancy, run, scrolling, sex, sex ed, should, strong, taught, third, through, weeks, while, wild, woman
Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, appreciation, arrange, die, friend, funeral, humor, i, joke, message, phone, prank, text
If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

0

2 months ago

blink, call, cosmic, earthling, humor, i, relationship, romance, science, star, twinkle, wink
Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

0

2 months ago

etiquette, humor, i, invitation, know, maybe, misunderstanding, next, relationship, response, social, time, wedding, wrong
There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

0

2 months ago

communication, cultural, cultural reference, digital, digital expression, emoji, emoji expression, express, expression, grief, humor, humorous, humorous quote, irish, Irish grief, Irish humor, misfortune, online, online communication, people, reference, shamrock, shamrock emoji, should
My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

0

2 months ago

advice, always, anything, communication, conversation, conversationalist, humor, me, mother, much, nice, nothing, say, silence, told, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

96 shares on Threads this month:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

51 shares on Twitch this month:

I had too much to think last night.

45 shares on Slack this month:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

100 shares on Slack this month:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Broadcasted on X:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Going viral on TikTok:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Trending via YouTube:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Trending via WeChat:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨