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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Breaking via Threads:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Breaking via TikTok:

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Just shared via WeChat:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Seen just now on Discord:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Going viral on Discord:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Funny acceptable time quotes

New funny acceptable time quotes 👇

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

1 week ago

acceptable, acceptable time, bad, bad time, crawl, fun, good, good time, hopscotch, humor, let, roll, time, times

All funny acceptable time quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

98 shares on X this month:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

How is it still this week?

22 shares on X this month:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Just landed via Telegram:

25 is the new 0 years old.

Just shared via TikTok:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Live now on Snapchat:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Just shared via YouTube:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny acceptable time quotes

New funny acceptable time quotes 👇

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

All funny acceptable time quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨