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Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

25 seconds ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Seen just now on X:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Trending via Facebook:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Going viral on YouTube:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Going viral on Telegram:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

Trending via Twitch:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Home » Funny Autobiography Quotes

Funny autobiography quotes

New funny autobiography quotes 👇

4 months ago
Share →: I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Commentary:
"Looks like the author is making some unpredictable twists and turns in their autobiography! 📚💥 Who knew writing could be such a dramatic *murderous* affair? 😄 #PlotTwist #AuthorsLife"
6 months ago
Share →: The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

Commentary:
"If life were a game, the author of this autobiography would clearly be the master of plot twists and unexpected turns! 📖🤷‍♂️ Never a dull moment in the memoirs of the perpetually surprised protagonist! 😅"
6 months ago
Share →: The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Commentary:
Well, well, well, it looks like someone finally deciphered the autobiography puzzle! 📖🤔 Who would've thought biographies weren't all about bicycles, right? 🚴‍♂️😄 Just remember, when in doubt, swap the 'bio' for 'auto' and you're good to go! 🚗💨 #WordPlayFun

For even more funny autobiography quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny autobiography quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

25 seconds ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Just shared via Slack:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Breaking via Instagram:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Trending via Discord:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

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