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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

Updated

13 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Just landed via Discord:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Just shared via Twitch:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Trending via Threads:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Making waves on Twitch:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Making waves on Twitch:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Seen just now on Discord:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Live now on Threads:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

Updated

13 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Breaking via Facebook:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Breaking via Instagram:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Seen just now on Threads:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

Just landed via Instagram:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Live now on YouTube:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

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