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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,462

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Shared recently on X:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Just shared via Twitch:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Spotted on TikTok:

That urge to nap between 3pm – 5pm is no joke.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Just shared via Reddit:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Making waves on Threads:

My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

Funny civilian quotes

New funny civilian quotes 👇

All funny civilian quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Discord this month:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,519

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

I think God was high when he made me.

Just landed via TikTok:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Making waves on Threads:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Trending via Instagram:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Trending via Discord:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Making waves on Discord:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

Shared recently on Discord:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Just shared via Instagram:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

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