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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,352

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Spotted on Twitch:

The adult in the room just addressed the elephant in the room.

Making waves on Discord:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Trending via Instagram:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Just landed via X:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Just landed via Telegram:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Trending via Discord:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Funny civilian life quotes

New funny civilian life quotes 👇

All funny civilian life quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

61 shares on X this month:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

85 shares on Telegram this month:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

98 shares on X this month:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

38 shares on Threads this month:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

What does international law say about a third Margarita?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Just landed via Messenger:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Live now on Discord:

“Unavailable” is my favorite state to be in.

Breaking via WeChat:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Seen just now on YouTube:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

Trending via Reddit:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Making waves on Instagram:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

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