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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

822 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,984

Funny Quotes Topics

13,927

Funny Quotes Images

10,984

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Making waves on Pinterest:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Just landed via Twitch:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Just landed via YouTube:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

822 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,984

Funny Quotes Topics

13,927

Funny Quotes Images

10,984

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Going viral on WeChat:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Live now on Telegram:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Just shared via Telegram:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Seen just now on Threads:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Breaking via Telegram:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Trending via YouTube:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

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