Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Making waves on Instagram:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Seen just now on Discord:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Just shared via Slack:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Just landed via Instagram:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Making waves on Threads:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

Breaking via Reddit:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Funny em quotes

New funny em quotes 👇

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

0

2 months ago

AI, AI writing, dash, em, em dash, grammar, humor, incoherence, incoherent, mean, please, punctuation, stop, too, us, work, writing

Someone from 🇬🇶 has recently copied this quote.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month.

All funny em quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

83 shares on X this month:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

83 shares on Threads this month:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

If parallel universe exist, I hope the other me is doing well.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

Just shared via Instagram:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Seen just now on Facebook:

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Spotted on Reddit:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Live now on Discord:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Shared recently on Messenger:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny em quotes

New funny em quotes 👇

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

All funny em quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨