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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Just landed via Facebook:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

Live now on Slack:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Just shared via Telegram:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Spotted on Threads:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Trending via Discord:

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Live now on Snapchat:

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Just landed via WeChat:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Making waves on YouTube:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Spotted on Threads:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Reported on Snapchat:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

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