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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

34 minutes ago

Users Online

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Seen just now on Slack:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Reported on YouTube:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Going viral on Instagram:

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Making waves on Threads:

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

Freshly posted on X:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Shared recently on TikTok:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Seen just now on Threads:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

34 minutes ago

Users Online

3,455

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Shared recently on Discord:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Seen just now on Discord:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Just landed via Slack:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Going viral on Telegram:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Just landed via Reddit:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Making waves on Threads:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Shared recently on X:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

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