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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Despite popular opinion, dating apps are NOT for dating. They are for finding people to watch your Instagram story for years and years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,537

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Going viral on Twitch:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Just landed via TikTok:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Spotted on Messenger:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Seen just now on X:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Slack this month:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

63 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

45 shares on Discord this month:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,580

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Just shared via Discord:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Making waves on Reddit:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Going bananas on Telegram:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Trending via YouTube:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

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