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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2415 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,577

Funny Quotes Topics

15,246

Funny Quotes Images

12,577

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,462

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Going viral on Snapchat:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Shared recently on Discord:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Breaking via WeChat:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Just shared via YouTube:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2415 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,577

Funny Quotes Topics

15,246

Funny Quotes Images

12,577

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Just landed via Threads:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Seen just now on Discord:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Making waves on WeChat:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Reported on WeChat:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

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