Funny idleness quotes

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.