Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,483

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Just landed via WeChat:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Making waves on Reddit:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Making waves on Facebook:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

Spotted on Messenger:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Making waves on YouTube:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Going bananas on TikTok:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Going viral on Messenger:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

God gives the most irritable bowels to the most beautiful angels.

43 shares on Threads this month:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

33 shares on Discord this month:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,266

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Live now on Pinterest:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Spotted on Messenger:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Freshly posted on Discord:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Just shared via WeChat:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

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