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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2418 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,580

Funny Quotes Topics

15,251

Funny Quotes Images

12,580

Updated

32 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Making waves on Discord:

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Making waves on Threads:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Seen just now on Discord:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Breaking via Threads:

You are the Monday of my life.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2418 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,580

Funny Quotes Topics

15,251

Funny Quotes Images

12,580

Updated

32 minutes ago

Users Online

3,458

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

That urge to nap between 3pm – 5pm is no joke.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Trending via Discord:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Making waves on Telegram:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Trending via Facebook:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Trending via Messenger:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

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