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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,336

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Spreading quickly via X:

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Going viral on Messenger:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Live now on Pinterest:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Seen just now on Threads:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Going viral on Slack:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Seen just now on Discord:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,304

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Just shared via TikTok:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Just shared via Pinterest:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

Trending via Telegram:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Going viral on WeChat:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Going viral on Messenger:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Going viral on Telegram:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

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