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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Spotted on Telegram:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Just landed via TikTok:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Live now on Twitch:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Spotted on Instagram:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Spotted on X:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

70 shares on Discord this month:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

86 shares on Discord this month:

I have nothing in common with people who “forget to eat”.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,414

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Making waves on Telegram:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Just shared via TikTok:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Trending via Reddit:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Just shared via Snapchat:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Spotted on Threads:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

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