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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from has shared:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Someone from has bookmarked:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Someone from has downloaded:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Someone from has shared:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Someone from has shared:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

Someone from has viewed:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Someone from has downloaded:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Someone from has shared:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1520 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,682

Funny Quotes Topics

14,546

Funny Quotes Images

11,682

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Trending via YouTube:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Making waves on Pinterest:

My life coach traded me.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Making waves on Slack:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Seen just now on Threads:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Spotted on TikTok:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Home » Funny Murderer Quotes

Funny murderer quotes

Funny murderer quotes 🕵️‍♂️💀 add a twisted twist of humor to the darkest tales! Whether you’re a true crime junkie or just love a clever pun, these witty one-liners bring laughs where you least expect them. Ready to chuckle at some killer comedy? 😈😂 Dive in and discover how humor can turn even the grimiest stories into something amusingly unforgettable!

New funny murderer quotes 👇

4 months ago
Share →: I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Commentary:
"Who needs pepper spray when you’ve got a built-in escape plan? 🏃‍♂️ Just remember, when running from a murderer, I don’t have to be the fastest… just faster than you. 😂 #SafetyFirst"
6 months ago
Share →: Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Commentary:
Trying to debug your code feels like trying to solve a mystery where you're the culprit who left a trail of breadcrumbs – and those breadcrumbs happen to be a bit clueless! 🕵️‍♂️🔍 Who knew being an investigator and a suspect at the same time could be so entertaining and frustrating? #ProgrammerLife
6 months ago
Share →: Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Commentary:
"Life lesson of the day: prioritize your chewing over potential murder alerts. 🍴🔪 #SafetyFirst #HungryNotDead"