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I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

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Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

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I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

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Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

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If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

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We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

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Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

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“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

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Trending via Twitch:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Trending via Twitch:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Going bananas on Messenger:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Home » Funny Nicholson Quotes

Funny nicholson quotes

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Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

0

2 months ago

breaking, comedy, comparison, door, film, film reference, horror, humor, jack, Jack Nicholson, looks, Monday, morning, nicholson, reference, shining, The Shining

All funny nicholson quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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75 shares on Discord this month:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

13 shares on Slack this month:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

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I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Trending via Telegram:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Just landed via X:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Just shared via Reddit:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Just shared via Telegram:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

Just shared via Reddit:

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

Making waves on TikTok:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

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Funny nicholson quotes

New funny nicholson quotes 👇

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

All funny nicholson quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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