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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Earth is hard.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,634

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Shared recently on Facebook:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Going viral on Facebook:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Going bananas on Instagram:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Making waves on Discord:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Spotted on Telegram:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Funny phone anxiety quotes

New funny phone anxiety quotes 👇

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

2 weeks ago

actually, answering, answering phone, anxiety, call, Googling, habit, humor, modern, modern habit, number, numbers, phone, phone anxiety, phone number, procrastination, technology

All funny phone anxiety quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

83 shares on X this month:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

65 shares on X this month:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

32 shares on Slack this month:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Just landed via Discord:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Trending via Messenger:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Just landed via Reddit:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Making waves on Discord:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Shared recently on Discord:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Wordgag ツ

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Funny phone anxiety quotes

New funny phone anxiety quotes 👇

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

All funny phone anxiety quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨