Funny ponder quotes

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So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

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I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

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The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

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People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

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I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

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Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

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Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

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Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

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You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.