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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,345

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Just landed via YouTube:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Making waves on WeChat:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Going viral on Threads:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Spotted on Instagram:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Shared recently on Instagram:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

52 shares on Threads this month:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

17 shares on Facebook this month:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,309

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

Shared recently on X:

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

Just shared via TikTok:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Just shared via Twitch:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Live now on Pinterest:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Shared recently on X:

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

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