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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,393

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Shared recently on Slack:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

Just shared via X:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Trending via YouTube:

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

Seen just now on Instagram:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Spotted on Discord:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Trending via Telegram:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Just landed via WeChat:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

Going viral on Facebook:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Trending via YouTube:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Funny real idea quotes

New funny real idea quotes 👇

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

6 days ago

clothes, exhausted, fashion, frazzled, humor, idea, model, real, real idea, relatable, self-image, website

All funny real idea quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on YouTube this month:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

82 shares on X this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

73 shares on TikTok this month:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Trending via Discord:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Spotted on Messenger:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Going viral on X:

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Making waves on Instagram:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

Trending via Telegram:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Shared recently on Instagram:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Going viral on Discord:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

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Funny real idea quotes

New funny real idea quotes 👇

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

All funny real idea quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨