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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Going viral on Messenger:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Just landed via TikTok:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Making waves on Telegram:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Spotted on TikTok:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

59 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

11 shares on Threads this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a girlfriend who doesn’t post herself on social media is an underrated blessing.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,702

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Show dominance by ending the year in bed.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

Just shared via YouTube:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Seen just now on Threads:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Trending via Twitch:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Trending via Twitch:

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Just landed via Reddit:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Spotted on Threads:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

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