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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I miss the days when “What’s for dinner” wasn’t my problem.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,334

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Just shared via WeChat:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Going viral on Reddit:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Funny specter of death quotes

New funny specter of death quotes 👇

It’s important to follow your significant other around the grocery store, not helping, and only hovering like the specter of death.

16 hours ago

around, death, follow, following, grocery, grocery store, helping, hovering, humor, important, only, relationship, shopping, significant, significant other, specter, specter of death, stalking, store

All funny specter of death quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

41 shares on Slack this month:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Spotted on TikTok:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Just landed via Twitch:

Getting road rage alone in my house.

Just shared via WeChat:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Going viral on TikTok:

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

Just landed via WeChat:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Going viral on WeChat:

Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny specter of death quotes

New funny specter of death quotes 👇

It’s important to follow your significant other around the grocery store, not helping, and only hovering like the specter of death.

All funny specter of death quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨