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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

37 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Seen just now on Threads:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Trending via Pinterest:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Going viral on Reddit:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Spotted on Instagram:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Making waves on X:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Shared recently on Messenger:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

37 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Seen just now on X:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Shared recently on Telegram:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The void screams into me.

Seen just now on X:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Live now on YouTube:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

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