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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

793 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,955

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,955

4 minutes ago

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Live now on YouTube:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Making waves on Telegram:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Making waves on Telegram:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Freshly posted on X:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Breaking via YouTube:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Home » Funny Things I Don’t Want Quotes

Funny things I don’t want quotes

New funny things I don’t want quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Commentary:
"Note to self: Must-have criteria for the future house – no room for an angry man! 🚫🧔🏻‍♂️ Who needs that negative energy when the walls can be painted with happiness and laughter instead? 💁🏻‍♀️🏡 #NoAngryMenAllowed"

For even more funny things I don’t want quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny things I don’t want quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

793 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,955

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,955

4 minutes ago

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Making waves on Threads:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Just landed via X:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Going viral on Slack:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Spotted on Telegram:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Just landed via TikTok:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Making waves on YouTube:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Just landed via YouTube:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

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