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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2244 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,406

Funny Quotes Topics

15,110

Funny Quotes Images

12,406

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Freshly posted on X:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Trending via Discord:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Trending via Pinterest:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Just shared via Telegram:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2244 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,406

Funny Quotes Topics

15,110

Funny Quotes Images

12,406

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

3,455

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Making waves on Discord:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Just shared via Reddit:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Just landed via Facebook:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Going viral on YouTube:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

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