Funny unstartable quotes

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Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

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If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

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What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

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Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

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“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

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Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

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If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

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Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

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I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

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This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.