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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Just landed via Pinterest:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Going viral on Twitch:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Just shared via TikTok:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Shared recently on Facebook:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Going viral on Discord:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Funny weekend anticipation quotes

New funny weekend anticipation quotes 👇

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

2 months ago

anticipation, guys, humor, know, Monday, only, procrastination, should, still, thought, weekday, weekend, weekend anticipation, workweek

All funny weekend anticipation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on WeChat this month:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

25 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

97 shares on Slack this month:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Just landed via X:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Live now on TikTok:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny weekend anticipation quotes

New funny weekend anticipation quotes 👇

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

All funny weekend anticipation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨