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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log

Someone from has bookmarked:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Someone from has viewed:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Someone from has downloaded:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Someone from has bookmarked:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Someone from has viewed:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Someone from has downloaded:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from has copied:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Someone from has copied:

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

755 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,917

Funny Quotes Topics

13,887

Funny Quotes Images

10,917

17 minutes ago

3,434

Social Media Log

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Reported on Twitch:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Making waves on Pinterest:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Going viral on Threads:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

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Funny well-maintained quotes

New funny well-maintained quotes

6 months ago
Share →: After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Commentary:
"Who says you can't have it all? Embracing those well-maintained wrinkles like a champ! Who needs a time machine when you've got anti-aging cream? Wrinkles, but make it fashion! "

For even more funny well-maintained quotes, check out the next page, if available

All funny well-maintained quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up.

Trending Funny Quotes

Hot Funny Quotes

Trending Topics

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

755 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,917

Funny Quotes Topics

13,887

Funny Quotes Images

10,917

17 minutes ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month

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Activity Log

Someone from has bookmarked:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Someone from has shared:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Someone from has viewed:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Someone from has shared:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Someone from has viewed:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Someone from has downloaded:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Someone from has shared:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from has shared:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Someone from has shared:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Social Media Log

Just landed via Telegram:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Going viral on Instagram:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Reported on X:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Shared recently on Slack:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Making waves on Twitch:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

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