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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,729

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Trending via TikTok:

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Just shared via Facebook:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Going bananas on Slack:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Spotted on TikTok:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Seen just now on Slack:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Just landed via Threads:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Breaking via Pinterest:

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Funny Werther’s Original quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Discord this month:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

88 shares on X this month:

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

38 shares on X this month:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,382

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Just landed via X:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Live now on Facebook:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Seen just now on Threads:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Making waves on Threads:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Just landed via Reddit:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Breaking via Threads:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Just landed via Twitch:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

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