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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Just landed via Telegram:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Spotted on Twitch:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Just shared via Facebook:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Just landed via Messenger:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Discord this month:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

37 shares on X this month:

Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

70 shares on Discord this month:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

11 shares on Discord this month:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve had enough. I’m ready to spend an eternity in the arms of my lover.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,642

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Going viral on Messenger:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Going viral on Messenger:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Live now on Reddit:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Seen just now on Discord:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Just landed via Telegram:

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

Spotted on Twitch:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Making waves on YouTube:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

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