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Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

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Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

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2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

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Broadcasted on WeChat:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Breaking via X:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Just landed via Reddit:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

Spotted on TikTok:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Going viral on TikTok:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Going viral on YouTube:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Going viral on Threads:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Just shared via Discord:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

15 hours ago

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Commentary:
When you're trying to relax to rain sounds, but instead end up craving fried chicken 🤔🍗☔😂

almost, audio, audio recording, being, chicken, effect, fried, frying, humor, listening, rain, rain sound, recording, sound, sound effect, sounds

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Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

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Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Reported on Threads:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Shared recently on X:

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Making waves on Pinterest:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Trending via WeChat:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Live now on WeChat:

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

Shared recently on TikTok:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Just landed via YouTube:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

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Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

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Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

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Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

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