Commentary:
Guess I'm just too healthy for their liking! 🤷♂️🏥😂
23 Funny almost quotes
It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.
Commentary:
Switching from summer goth to autumn goth like a true seasonal fashionista! 🖤🍂👗
When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.
Commentary:
Adding a lab coat to the mix of passion and experiments! 👩🔬🔬❤️
Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.
Commentary:
When you're trying to relax to rain sounds, but instead end up craving fried chicken 🤔🍗☔😂
You ever hold an iPhone without a case on it? You can almost feel its eagerness to toss itself onto some pavement.
Commentary:
Bold of you to assume I've ever taken the case off—it's like giving buttered toast a chance to land face down!
“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, just remember they're great for calming the stomach! 🍋😅🤢
Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.
Commentary:
Sounds like some folks are filing international conflicts under "For Research Purposes Only" 😂🌍🧠
Men absolutely love buying the same shirt in four almost identical colors and saying, ‘Yep, that’ll do me for the next three years.’
Commentary:
Guess it's called "variety" when you own four shades of "almost the same" 😆👕👕👕👕
It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.
Commentary:
Imagine the commentary track on those near-miss highlights… 🤔🎬💀
It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.
Commentary:
Time to upgrade my anxiety wardrobe with some festive flair! 🎄😅✨