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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Social media is mental suicide.

Trending via Threads:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Going viral on TikTok:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Just landed via WeChat:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Clever and playful quote about girls flirting like electrons orbiting nearby.

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Commentary:
When she’s got you spinning like you're the nucleus of a high school chemistry project 😂🔬💫

dating, electron, flirt, General, girl, girls, humor, location, orbit, pickup, pickup technique, relationship, science, science humor, technique

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

95 shares on X this month:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

44 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

59 shares on Slack this month:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Going viral on Reddit:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Making waves on TikTok:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Freshly posted on Slack:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Spotted on X:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Spotted on Messenger:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

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Activity Log ✨

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨