Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,978

Social Media Log 💫

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Untangling those lights will be his festive initiation, hope he's got a patience level set to 'zen master' 😂🕯️🎄🔍

asking, Christmas, Christmas light, decoration, feet, holiday, holiday preparation, light, lights, preparation, realize, relationship, Saturday, surprise, task, untangling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

1 month ago

aging, distance, family, humor, making, older, perspective, relationship, rest, sense, start, uncle, wisdom
Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

2 months ago

bored, danger, dangerous, excitement, fun, humor, mischief, warned, warning
Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

1 month ago

assteroid, hemorrhoid, humor, joke, medical, medical humor, medical joke, play, play on words, pun, why, wordplay, words
Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

1 month ago

back, carefree, cookie, day, eating, fun, i, ignorance, just, knowing, nostalgia, simplicity, wish
‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

2 months ago

avocado, cancelling, excuse, favorite, home, i, plans, ripe
The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

1 month ago

again, back, back on, humor, reset, should, someone, technology, troubleshooting, turn, turn off, universe, working

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Making waves on Reddit:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Spotted on Messenger:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Going viral on Facebook:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Going viral on Messenger:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Just shared via Reddit:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏

Activity Log ✨

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏