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Commentary:
"Oh, I see we've entered the 'telepathy' phase of our conversation! 🤔💭 Don't worry, I'll start working on my mind-reading skills right away. Just give me a sec to find my crystal ball 🔮😂"

communication, conversation, expectations, humor, i, noticed, observation, relationship, saying, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

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2 months ago

bit, British, British slang, British voice, head, humor, inner, inner voice, past, sad, sadness, saying, slang, voice, weeks
I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

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2 months ago

health, hearing, humor, i, irony, me, mental, mental health, psychiatrist, punchline, self-awareness, told, voices
Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

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2 months ago

brain, communication, hate, honesty, humor, impulsiveness, keep, mouth, quiet, regret, self-control, something, speech, trying
If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

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2 months ago

Android, arguing, check, communication, ever, humor, just, parenting, sarcasm, say, something, sure, technology, teen
It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

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2 months ago

assistance, checkout, complete, employees, experience, funny experience, help, humor, me, self-checkout, shopping, three, yesterday
Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

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2 months ago

arguments, best, humor, introspection, lose, personal, personal reflection, places, reflection, self, showers, solitude, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Trending via YouTube:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Making waves on Instagram:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Live now on Discord:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Going viral on X:

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

Seen just now on Threads:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Coffee is just goth water.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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