Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,477

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Trending via WhatsApp:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Just landed via YouTube:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Just shared via Twitch:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

Just shared via Reddit:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

Just shared via Telegram:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh great Cosmic Chef, dial down the sizzle! 🌍🔥😅

air, air frying, complaint, Earth, exaggeration, frying, great, heat, humor, me, stop, weather

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

0

2 months ago

course, crush, delusion, going, humor, leave, love, reality, relationship, spouse, work
I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

0

2 months ago

gift, heaven, i, ideal, ideal partner, kindness, love, man, marriage, marry, me, partner, relationship, romance, straight
Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

0

2 months ago

advice, date, food, guys, humor, hungry, just, pantry, relationships, trying
One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

0

2 months ago

aging, carefree, change, feel, humor, knee, life, minute, next, rain, young, youth
I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

0

4 months ago

everything, experience, humor, i, identity, know, life, lived, me, misunderstanding, mystery, people, perception, think, too
If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

0

2 months ago

book, Bukowski, devour, humor, literature, nightstand, relationship, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Slack this month:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Spotted on Twitch:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Going bananas on Twitch:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Spotted on Slack:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Just shared via Snapchat:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Live now on TikTok:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Live now on Discord:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨