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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,278

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Going viral on Facebook:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Spotted on Reddit:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Seen just now on Threads:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

2 months ago

0

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, seems like your buddy's secret life is finally out of the closet! 📖🏠 Who knew house-sitting could lead to such unexpected discoveries? Next time you're asked to watch over a place, make sure to check for hidden diaries and scandalous secrets! 😂 #HouseSittingAdventures #DiaryGate

diary, discovery, friends, funny moment, house, house sitting, item, moment, never, personal, personal item, sitting, surprise, town, unexpected, unexpected discovery

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

0

2 months ago

attempt, dislike, failed, failure, frustration, hate, humor, i, nap, nothing, relaxation, sleep
Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

0

2 months ago

3, accomplish, animation, brevity, comparison, entertainment, girl, girls, hours, humor, Marvel, minutes, movy, need, powerpuff, Powerpuff Girl, superhero, time, why
I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

0

2 months ago

advice, best, buy, ever, give, harmonica, humor, i, learning, lot, music, never, over, someone, used
How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

0

2 months ago

1, 2, 3, ago, bed, bedtime, clean, cleaning, corner, distraction, five, hours, humor, i, memory, nostalgia, procrastination, room, six, something, stare, start, vintage
I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

0

2 months ago

clothes, follow, humor, i, independence, instructions, me, rebellion, self-expression, tell, washing, washing instructions
Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

0

2 months ago

build, communication, dating, effort, expectations, humor, love, men, modern, modern love, much, relationship, replying, romance, think, time, too, used, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

34 shares on Slack this month:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Talking to the stars because people suck.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,689

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

“AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Just landed via Reddit:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Spotted on Slack:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Going viral on Instagram:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Seen just now on X:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Making waves on Instagram:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Making waves on Messenger:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Spotted on Instagram:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

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