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Commentary:
Well, well, well, seems like your buddy's secret life is finally out of the closet! 📖🏠 Who knew house-sitting could lead to such unexpected discoveries? Next time you're asked to watch over a place, make sure to check for hidden diaries and scandalous secrets! 😂 #HouseSittingAdventures #DiaryGate

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

1 month ago
am, girlfriend, hot, i, know, people, relationship, street, walking, want
I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

1 month ago
am, comfort, determination, even, fashion, hoodie, house, humor, i, leaving, strings
We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

1 month ago
companionship, connection, humor, loneliness, love, monsters, search, searching, self-discovery, share, someone
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

2 months ago
dream, dreams, frustration, hate, humor, i, lose, office, office humor, paper, pen, relatable, sanity, things, work
I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

2 months ago
connection, dog, dogs, emotion, every, eyes, hugging, i, leaking, lean, love, me, pet, start, time
Netflix & by yourself.

2 months ago
activity, alone, date, entertainment, fun, fun activity, Netflix, self-care, yourself

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Going bananas on Slack:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Spotted on Discord:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Making waves on Reddit:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Seen just now on Facebook:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Netflix & by yourself.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Have you tried complaining about it?

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

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House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Netflix & by yourself.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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