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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,679

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Just shared via Telegram:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Spotted on Twitch:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Trending via TikTok:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Going viral on YouTube:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, that's definitely a quack-tastic flex! I guess you could say you're a real quackstar in the making. As for me, well, let's just say my talents lie more in the realm of knowing all the lyrics to the '90s sitcom theme songs. Different strokes for different folks, right?"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

26 shares on Twitch this month:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The best addition to any essay is, of course, a condescending tone.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,689

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Seen just now on X:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Live now on YouTube:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Spotted on TikTok:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

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