Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Jan 11, 2026

3,244

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Just landed via Facebook:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Just shared via Messenger:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

2 months ago

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, that's definitely a quack-tastic flex! I guess you could say you're a real quackstar in the making. As for me, well, let's just say my talents lie more in the realm of knowing all the lyrics to the '90s sitcom theme songs. Different strokes for different folks, right?"

activity, childhood, culture, DuckTales, flex, fun, fun activity, intro, intro song, music, nostalgia, pop, pop culture, sing, song

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

2 months ago

customer, customer service, daily, daily struggle, day, employees, fight, humor, petition, service, struggle, workplace
A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

2 months ago

couple, humor, know, life, marriage, problem, problems, relationship, single, solving, together
Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

4 months ago

5, alcohol, drinking, drinks, explain, explanation, humor, intoxication, me
I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

6 months ago

anxiety, communication, hesitation, humor, i, need, person, self-respect, shame, social, social anxiety, text, texting, want
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

4 months ago

devil, eating, ever, food, good, humor, making, taste, temptation, trick, unhealthy, unhealthy eating, unhealthy food
I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

2 months ago

blanket, call, couch, dream, friend, friends, human, human blanket, i, lifelong, lifelong dream, nap, napping, still

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Threads this month:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Spotted on WeChat:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Spotted on Instagram:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Trending via Reddit:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Just shared via Reddit:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Spotted on TikTok:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

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