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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,678

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Seen just now on Threads:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Spotted on X:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Going viral on Messenger:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Live now on LinkedIn:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Seen just now on Telegram:

My life is based on a true story.

Just landed via Discord:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to save the planet one toothpaste spit at a time, but AI is over there doing the Macarena on our carbon footprint 😂🦷🤖🌍

AI, brushing, brushing teeth, conservation, corporation, environment, faucet, humor, i, ruin, spend, teeth, turning, water, water conservation, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

0

2 months ago

argue, distraction, every, humor, i, just, kids, living, living room, parenting, room, surface, trying, TV, vacuum, watch
Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

0

2 months ago

crazy, else, everyone, hospital, humor, irony, madness, media, mental, mental hospital, only, perception, person, reality, sane, sane person, social, social media, Twitter, where
They should invent a day where I don’t think.

0

2 months ago

day, don’t, don’t think, humor, humor quote, i, invent, should, think, thought, where
Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

0

2 months ago

baby, baby name, carrying, humor, insane, insanity, month, months, name, naming, nine, nine month, parenthood, pregnancy
I am half agony, half hope.

0

2 months ago

agony, am, contrast, emotion, half, hope, humor, i, irony, struggle, wit
How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

0

2 months ago

eyebrow, eyebrow raise, eyebrows, greet, greeting, humor, i, interaction, laziness, lazy, people, raise, raising, social, social interaction

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

28 shares on Threads this month:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

That fight could’ve been an email.

14 shares on Discord this month:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Spotted on TikTok:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

Going viral on Reddit:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Live now on Slack:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

Spotted on WeChat:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

Spotted on Threads:

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Freshly posted on Slack:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

I am half agony, half hope.

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨