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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I need money, not feelings.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

33 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Shared recently on YouTube:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Spotted on WeChat:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Seen just now on Threads:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Just landed via Slack:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Just landed via Instagram:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Just shared via Messenger:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs an hour of sleep when you can just embrace the insomnia life like a boss 😎💤 #SleepIsOverrated"

hour, humor, i, lose, loss, lost, me, perspective, sleep

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

Spotted on X:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Going viral on Pinterest:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Just landed via Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Just shared via Threads:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Trending via Discord:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

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Activity Log ✨

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

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I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

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