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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,651

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Just shared via Instagram:

The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

Just shared via WeChat:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Trending via Discord:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Just landed via Slack:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Trending via Slack:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Making waves on Discord:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

4 weeks ago

Humorous quote about grocery shopping and playfully embarrassing old men with ripe melons.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Melon musings can lead to blushing battles in aisle 7 🍈😳💬

activity, asking, blush, flirting, fun, fun activity, grocery, grocery shopping, i, know, making, man, melon, melons, men, old, old man, ripe, shopping

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

64 shares on X this month:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

99 shares on Threads this month:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Breaking via Discord:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Spotted on Reddit:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

Seen just now on X:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Going viral on Facebook:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Spotted on TikTok:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨